The Santaland Diaries, a holiday comedy presented by Apex Theatre and based on the novel by David Sedaris, stars Crumpet, who recounts the true-life tale of an out-of-work writer in need of holiday cash working a stint as a Macy’s elf. Besieged by bratty kids with overzealous parents and donning a humiliating costume, his remedy for the indignity he endures in his never-endingly exuberant job is to tell all—giving the audience a backstage pass to the secret lives of Santas and elves. December 15 and 16, 8:30 PM. Ponte Vedra Concert Hall. $20.