I was talking to a friend today about American Idol being boring this year. The problem, we agreed, is we've seen it all before. I mean, there are only so many ways to be a terrible singer and delusional about your "talent." This conversation took place, of course, before the San Francisco auditions, where we were introduced to my favorite contestant of this season so far (and by "favorite," I mean "most gibberish-tastic"): Akilah Askew-Gholston.

The 26-year-old "aspiring songwriter" from Oakland showed up for the auditions with a file folder full of notes and anatomical illustrations, which she pored over as if she were studying for a pre-med exam, not auditioning for American Idol. That is, until she opened her mouth and began explaining vocal techniques involving the "trayshia" (translation: trachea) and "larnex" (larynx).

After performing her original composition "Make Sweet Love"—"a capella-ly"—for the judges, she attempted "Natural Woman" only to ask for a redo since she "came from the wrong rectum." (Apparently, she was supposed to be singing from her "laginical quartilages.") Alas, Akila didn't make it to Hollywood, but fortunately, she has two more years of eligibility to work on not letting the judges "erackidate" her. (Click on her photo to see her audition and hold on to your orgia and phorgia.)

I was also quite fond of singer/musician/songwriter/writer/assistant director/model/film actor Tatiana del Toro, the Puerto Ricana with the laughing seizures and animal print, mermaid dress swathed in yards and yards of tulle that didn't match. Looks like we'll be seeing more of her since her friend "one of the world's most powerful psychics," predicted she'd be in the top 12. That and the fact that she's a lingerie model and her photos are all over the Internet. (Click here to see her audition. You can look up her naughty pictures yourself.)