Today is Public Sleeping Day.

Personally, I don't sleep in public for fear that I won't wake up or that I'll do something really embarrassing. But judging from blogs like Sleeping in Public (and these two sleeping beauties caught sawing logs at the Fort Lauderdale–Hollywood International Airport), it's a rapidly growing pastime ...as long as you don't have friends like these.

Dear First Coast News:

I hate to keep picking on you for your misspellings and/or typos. It's not like I sit around waiting for you to screw up so I can post it here for The Specktator's tens of readers to see.

Maybe I watch your newscasts or read your website more often than other stations. Perhaps I expect more out of you. Either way, it seems I have to call you out again.

Regarding your promo for Much Ado About Books: You would be wise to pick up a book yourself (I suggest a dictionary or grammar book) and learn the difference between "premiere" and "premier."

Much love, Kerry

P.S. For the record, dear readers, Much Ado About Books is February 27-28.

AOL Sports has an article on so-called Spitting Images of Sports Stars.

Some of them, I must to admit, are downright doppelgangers like Balki/some basketball player I've never heard of and the coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers/that dude from House.

Others, like our very own St. Timothy (Tebow)/ actor Brendan Fraser, not so much... (Just out of curiosity, AOL, when's the last time you had an eye exam?)

And then there are some that are just plain insulting like Orlando Magic head coach Steve Van Gundy/porn star Ron Jeremy and pro golfer Miguel Angel Jimenez/Kazakhstan journalist Borat Sagdiyev .

As for Joe Montana and David "Big Papi" Ortiz, I'd hate to be the person who has to explain to the NFL Hall of Famer and World Series winner how they look like Barry Manilow and Esther Rolle.

Yesterday I received an email from a gentleman by the name of Handcock Warhol. I don't know Mr. Warhol, but the subject line of his email caught my attention as it referred to a very private matter that most civilized people dare not mention. Mr. Warhol, you see, wanted to offer me the opportunity to increase my sexual excitement or, as he wrote, "enhance your "orgasmms."

Several hours later, I received an email from another chap named Woodfin Kellner. Coincidentally, Mr. Kellner was offering to assist me with the very same intimate issue except his "enhancers" would increase my oorgasms, as well as my orrgasms.

While I certainly appreciate their kind offer to help, I'm torn. Should I opt for better orgasmms, oorgasms or orrgasms? I guess I'm showing my naiveté, but I didn't know there was a difference.

And in case you are wondering about the significance of the photo, it's a NARS gift set with blush, lip gloss and bronzer in the color orgasm. They call it their Multiple Orgasm Set. And if orgasm doesn't suit you, you can choose from other shades like strip tease, deep throat and fire down below.

Update: I have since received similar emails from Wine Kernagis, Earles Pieczynski, Micheals Kwiecinski and Alteri Snowdeal. Talk about a coincidence.

The Jacksonville International Airport earned the top spot for overall customer satisfaction in the Airports Council International's quarterly survey of 26 North American airports. The survey, conducted by an independent third-party firm, covered topics such as parking, security, airline check-in, shopping and dining facilities, and restrooms.

I, for one, am always bragging about JIA to people in other cities, especially Atlanta which has the worst airport with the rudest employees that I have ever encountered in my life—by far (have I made my point?). I mean, JIA's got chair massages, valet parking, two restaurants with "Budweiser" right in the name, an art gallery and free Wi-Fi. And seriously, where else can you people watch from a rocking chair, play a game of Ms. Pacman and get your shoes shined, all while eating a Cinnabon fresh out of the oven?

Note: The fabulous photo was shot and digitally manipulated (eww, that sounds dirty!) by Jacksonville Magazine's own photographer/web guru Brad Stookey. He's available for freelancing, you know.

comScore, Inc., a leader in measuring the digital world (or so their press release says), just released their analysis of Americans' Internet searches as related to the economic downturn.

Their research shows that searches for certain terms went up dramatically from December 2007 to December 2008 including "unemployment benefits" (up 247 percent), "bankruptcy" (up 156 percent) and "foreclosure" (up 67 percent).

In a related story, The Specktator's Internet marketing and analysis team (i.e., me) recently conducted an audit of browser search term hits for the last two weeks. The word that came up most frequently was—no surprise—"Jacksonville." The second, believe it or not, was "A.J. Neaher," the Jacksonville high school teacher who made it to the Hollywood round of American Idol. I also compiled a list of some of the more interesting Internet search terms that led users to The Specktator and the pages they were directed to:

• "fat bride photos" (I apologize to the person who typed this one in since I didn't have any fat bride photos on the site ... but now I do!)
• "huge boobs"
• "oral explosion"
• "pirate Donna"
• "Lil Rounds butt"
• "Lil Rounds big breasts"

You people do know this isn't a porn site, right?

I thought this picture of a six-pound rat with a foot-long tail and one-inch-long teeth that was caught in Fuzhou, China was the creepiest and most repulsive creature I've ever seen.

And then, I saw this photo of Lisa Rinna caught on the red carpet at the Academy Awards.

I don't know which one I'd be more frightened of running into in a dark alley.

The 81st Academy Awards are a wrap. And while the awards themselves were pretty anti-climatic, the show had more than a few surprises, not the least of which was host Hugh Jackman as a baby Benjamin Button (though, since Benjamin aged in reverse, Hugh was, in reality, playing him as an old man even though he looked like a baby ... ah, forget it.)

1. It was kinda funny. Not pee-your-pants funny of course, but funny enough for the Oscars. Presenter teams Steve Martin/Tina Fey and Ben Stiller/Natalie Portman were amusing, but I most enjoyed Judd Apatow's Pineapple Express-inspired short with James Franco, Seth Rogen and two-time Oscar-winning cinematographer Janusz Kaminski. The fact that it was humorous at all can mean only one thing: Bruce Vilanch couldn't possibly have had anything to do with it.

2. The producers actually used music from this century like "Lovers in Japan" by Coldplay (played during the romance montage) "Tic Tic Boom" by The Hives (played during the animation montage) and "Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat" by Beck (played during the 2009 film preview during the closing).

3. Mickey Rourke looked fairly normal compared to what he usually looks like, that is.

4. Only one actor finished in the top five on the "In Memoriam" tribute (aka the death montage) applause-o-meter. Supposedly, Oscar producers chose not to include the sound of audience applause in the audio mix this year, but you could still hear ambient clapping. And according to my ears, the loudest applause was for author/director/producer Michael Crichton, make-up/special effects guru Stan Winston, screenwriter/director Anthony Minghella, producer/director Sydney Pollack (yes, I know he was Will's father on Will & Grace and Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels' agent in Tootsie, but he was better known for producing and directing than acting) and the applause champ, actor/salad dressing magnate Paul Newman. While this may come as an insult to the ghosts of Charlton Heston, Roy Scheider and Ricardo Montalban, they can take some solace in the fact that they weren't snubbed like poor Estelle Getty.

For the record, if you're wondering why Heath Ledger wasn't featured in the death montage, it had nothing to do with his winning Best Supporting Actor. He was actually included in last year's since he died a month prior to the broadcast.

5. The dorks with briefcases from the accounting firm of Pricewaterhouse Coopers were nowhere to be seen.

In an attempt to feed people's insatiable appetite for celebrity gossip, The Specktator and its trusted panel of reporters, the Eye-Team, report sightings of local luminaries and "real" stars about town.

For the first time in the history of The Specktator—all three months of it—Invasion of Privacy's got nothin: not one celebrity spotted anywhere this week.

I did, however, have a dream the other night where I was watching a fashion show in a mall in Japan right before I found out my friend was shot in a subway (hey, it's a dream, it's supposed to be weird), and I ran into First Coast News anchor Jeannie Blaylock.

A couple of weeks ago, I had the chance to chat on the phone with Ty Pennington of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (EMHE) and Trading Spaces fame about the Jacksonville Home & Patio Show, February 26-March 1.

In addition to "drama walls" and the healing power of EMHE, he lauded events like the Home & Patio Show for giving home owners design inspiration. "People always ask me how I come up with ideas. And that’s what I tell them," he says."You go out, look around, see what products and materials are out there and what’s new. Talk to the experts.” (In case you're wondering why he deigned to talk to me, he's the spokesperson for Marketplace Events that produces 30-plus consumer shows like the Home & Patio Show.)

In retrospect, I should have asked him how in the H-E-double L-shaped bracket he became a spokesperson for Similac baby formula. Unless he's suddenly developed mammary glands or Similac is made of sawdust, I don't get it.

You can read more of my interview with Pennington in the Spring issue of Jacksonville's Magazine Home.

It's been a sad week for pets.

Former First Cat Socks Clinton died today at age 20 (that's 96 in human years) after a long battle with cancer. One of the best known White House pets in history (certainly, its most famous feline occupant), Socks was rescued by President Bill Clinton's daughter Chelsea when the family lived in Arkansas.

Earlier this week, Mickey Rourke's Chihuahua Loki died. The diminutive doggy, who often accompanied Rourke on the red carpet, was 17 or 18 years old, depending on which source you believe (that's 81 or 85 in human years).

And then there's Travis, the 200-pound "pet" chimpanzee (that's 200 in human pounds) that was shot and killed by police after critically injuring a a friend of his owner's. (Note to Sandra Herold: Uh, there's a reason they call them "wild animals.")

On a personal note, a big e-hug to my friend Jennifer whose beloved kitty Audrey died suddenly two weeks ago. I hope she's having fun with Zero—and Zac Davis Griffin Jeremy Speckman.

Just in time for the Academy Awards on Sunday night, Clothes Off Our Back is auctioning a suit, tie, shirt and pin worn by Best Actor nominee Sean Penn in Milk, nominated for Best Picture. The ensemble, by costume designer Danny Glicker, duplicates what Harvey Milk wore on Election Night November 7, 1978, when he celebrated the defeat of Proposition 6 in California.

Proceeds from the auction, which ends February 28 at noon, benefit The Children’s Charity of Southern California and the Hetrick-Martin Institute, home of Harvey Milk High School.

If Mickey Rourke (click if you dare) wins the Oscar for Best Actor for The Wrestler, as he's expected to do, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before his jockstrap/codpiece/whatever wrestlers wear goes up for sale on ebay.

P.S. The current bid is $4,500.

Update: Apparently, Penn's winning the Academy Award for Best Actor bumped up the price significantly. The winning bid was $12,500.

MerriamWebster.com just announced its list of the 20 most frequently looked-up words for January, and while I can understand some of the entries (apathetic, conundrum, ubiquitous), there are a few I just don't get.

Gorgeous. If you are one of the people who needed to look this word up, let me explain it to you: Gorgeous couple, not gorgeous couple. Gorgeous man, not gorgeous man. Gorgeous woman, not gorgeous woman (or man).

Quite. Unless you are an ESL student, you must be quite stupid if you have to look this one up.

Dictionary. Um, if you don't know what a dictionary is, how in the hell did you know where to look it up?

P.S. While on website, I also learned that the longest word in Webster's dictionary is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, which is just fancy word for a lung disease that affects miners (click here to hear the pronunciation).

Dear American Idol producers:

I grant you that spellcheck doesn't help with most proper names. But for the love of Ramiele Malubay, could you at least pick one spelling of the Boskovich girl's name and stick with it already?!? On the website, for instance, you've got it without an "e," with an "e" and without an "e" with a hyphen. And on one page, you go from "Anne Marie" to "Ann Marie" back to "Anne Marie" in less than an inch of space.

Listen, I'm not trying to tell you how to run your show or anything. From the looks of it, you're doing a pretty good job of that already. It's just that misspelling a contestant's name smacks of laziness especially considering you can ask her any time you forget if it's an "e" or no "e" since she's right there in front of your face!

I, however, don't have that luxury. So until I receive a certified copy of her birth certificate, she'll be "Bosko" to me.

P.S. Also, whenever you solve the mystery, could you pass it on to Kara DioGuardi? Judging from her website's homepage, she seems to think Bosko's name is "Anne Marie Boskowitz."

Orville Redenbacher's got nothing on Cary Silverman. Oh, sure, Redenbacher started growing popcorn when he was 12, invented his own popcorn hybrids and turned his one-man popcorn business into the top-selling brand in America. But Silverman developed popcorn that tastes like beer and cocktails!

A college student from Kansas City, Mo., Silverman noticed that his fellow scholars were sneaking alcohol into movie theaters, so he came up with the idea of booze-flavored popcorn. And, hence, Pub-Corn was born.

Evoking the spirit of the Judgment of Paris in 1976, I assembled a panel of beer enthusiasts and other alcohol aficionados at a local watering hole (okay, so they were already there for happy hour) to render their opinions on all three Pub-Corn flavors: beer, piña colada and Irish creme. Here are their comments and mine:

Beer-flavored: "I like it, but it doesn't taste like beer." "You can taste the beer at the end." I thought it did have a little wang to it. Good though.

Piña colada: "Really good!" "Tastes like a piña colada." "There's no alcohol in it? ... Damn." It tasted like coconut and pineapple to me, which is good if you like coconut and pineapple, which, unfortunately, I do not.

Irish creme: I thought it tasted like coffee, someone else found it tasted like Bailey's (imagine that) and one guy said it tasted like meat. He's a vegetarian, though, so how would he know? Maybe meat tastes like Irish creme, James. Did you ever think of that?

The folks at Vote for the Worst probably aren't too pleased with Tatiana Nicole Del Loco's performance on American Idol last night since she wasn't her usual cackling, sobbing, melodramatic self. Of course, being able to metamorphose so easily into someone so subdued and reserved may indicate multiple personality disorder. At least her singing wasn't all that great.

Speaking of singing great, Alexis "My Name Sounds Like a Drag Queen's" Grace and Danny "My Wife Is Dead" Gokey were the only ones who did. The rest ranged from so-so to forgettable to seriously-is-she-tone-deaf?

Since I wasn't busy critiquing actual singing, I was able to devote my time to more important matters, like counting the number of:

Standing ovations from the audience: 6 (Alexis, Anoop Desai, Michael Sarver, Tatiana and Danny)

Standing ovations from Paula Abdul: 5 (see above minus Tatiana)

Times Michael changed the microphone from hand to hand during a one-minute, 20-second song: 23

Performances that were so boring I fast forwarded through them: 2 (Brent Keith and Anoop)

Performances that were so terrible I should have fast forwarded through them, but I couldn't stop watching, much like a bad car accident: 2 (Stevie Wright and Casey Carlson)

Gratuitous close-ups of Ted Danson and/or Neil Patrick Harris in the audience: 3

And remember, America, this is Tatiana Del Loco's dream, and it's up to you to keep it alive. Thank you so much. Gracias. Thank you.

In the mid 1970s, a British wine expert living in France named Steven Spurrier set out to prove that French wine wasn't necessarily superior to the rest of the world's by holding a blind taste test of French and American vintages. The Judgment of Paris, as it was dubbed, shocked sommeliers, vintners, expert wine tasters and other highly regarded oenophiles when Stags' Leap Winery's 1973 Cabernet Sauvignon from little old Napa, Calif. took the top prize for reds. (The recent indie film Bottle Shock was based on the story.)

I bring this up, gentle readers, because Eleven South Bistro in Jacksonville Beach (home of the lamb cassoulet pictured here) is hosting a Stags' Leap Wine Dinner. On March 4, Stags' Leap winemaker Jeff McBride will "lead guests on a wine journey" across five courses, prepared by Eleven South's executive chef Eric Streets specifically for this event. Tickets are $150 and won't last long.

For more info, visit Eleven South's website or call (904) 241-1112. To fully appreciate the call, we suggest swirling your phone around, then placing your nose over the speaker and taking a deep sniff before speaking.

Oh, Tatiana... You thought you had "made it" when you were selected as one of American Idol's Top 36. But there was something much bigger in store for you, an honor that no other season 8 contestant could claim (I wonder if her friend who is "one of the world's most powerful psychics" predicted it).

You, Tatiana Del Loco (as I've taken to calling you), have the distinction of being named Vote for the Worst's first honoree. In fact, your insane laughing, annoying histrionics and teary soliloquys have been so remarkable, the website selected you as their contestant of choice before they even heard you sing a word live.

While I've always enjoyed Vote for the Worst, I never really bought into their philosophy, but my American Idol burnout coupled with Del Loco's, well, everything, might just make me a believer. She was, after all, one of my early favorites.

Del Loco performs tonight in the first group of 12 along with one of the two remaining Jacksonville auditioners Ann Marie Boskovich. Or is it Anne Marie?

If you're stuck at a desk all day, you probably get pretty bored. I mean, you can only bid on so many eBay items or play so many hands of solitaire in one day, right? Here are some sites to help pass the time.

High-Five Montages
Considering how much I hate the high five, I'm not sure why I find the High-Five! and High-Five Hollywood! montages on Funny or Die so amusing. The latest version High-Five Inauguration! is equally as silly and chock-full of random cameos. Believe me when I tell you, it is so Raven.

High-Five Montage Tributes
If a video is popular, it winds up on You Tube. And it if winds up on You Tube, someone is going to parody it. And if one person parodies it, then everyone wants to parody it.

I got sucked into watching 30 minutes worth of High-Five Montage tributes today, and I have to say, these are my two favorites: This one for its original high-fives, and this one because it's so bad it's good.

Survivor: Tocantins debuted tonight (for those of you who are geographically ignorant like I am, Tocantins is a Brazilian state, not that I knew Brazil even had states). To celebrate this auspicious occasion, Entertainment Weekly announced its choices for the 30 Hottest Castaways from all 17 seasons. And what do you know, someone from Jacksonville made the list.

Marcus Lehman lives in Jacksonville Beach (or at least he did when he was on the show) and is completing his residency at Mayo Clinic (or at least he was before he went on the show). I'm sure it's strange to be a physician and be recognized for being hot, but it's got to be far less embarrassing than the, ahem, exposure he got for his wardrobe malfunction.

Note: If you want to see Dr. Lehman and little Marcus, it's easy to find (Google his name and "flailing"). But be warned, the website is most assuredly R-rated and definitely NSFW. Unless you work at a strip club or a bordello.

By now, I'm sure you've heard about Fred Taylor getting sacked by the Jaguars today in favor of younger versions of himself, Maurice Jones-Drew and Greg Jones. Some fans may be surprised, but considering Taylor's horoscope this morning, they should have seen it coming...

"You are the epitome of the power of positive thought (he was the team captain, you know), yet an overly serious person in your life (how often do you see Jack Del Rio smile?) may attempt to rain on your parade (fire you). There's no need for you to give away your strength (34 Jaguars records), just be sensitive in your approach so you don't steamroll over others (Jones-Drew and Jones) who are struggling to hold their position (of running back), too."

It must be the fact that it's Presidents Day, but everywhere I look today I see pictures of local folks who look bear a striking resemblance to former Presidents of the United States.

First, I was reading the American Idol blog written by Phil Stacey, when I saw a picture of Jacksonville's own Idol looking an awful lot like Abraham Lincoln. I'm not kidding. If it were the 1860s, they could totally be twins.

Then, I was looking at something on the Jaguars website and saw a picture of Jack Del Rio and former President George W. Bush. I am telling you, it is freaky how much the Jags head coach looks like former President Bill Clinton.

Finally, have you taken a good look at a one dollar bill lately? I can't believe I never noticed it before, but there's someone in this town who's a dead ringer for George Washington.

Nate Robinson of the New York Nets may have won the NBA's 2009 Slam Dunk contest on Saturday, but he didn't make it into ESPN's Top 10 Slam Dunk Contest Moments (considering the list came out before the contest, he didn't have much of a chance—unless he happens to own a time machine).

Jacksonville native Dee Brown did get props, however, for his "no-look" slam dunk. The Jacksonville University graduate competed in the 1991 contest during his rookie year with the Boston Celtics and took home the title.

Today is Presidents Day, but Abraham Lincoln got his recognition last week when the U.S. Mint released the first of four new pennies with scenes depicting the 16th President's life including his Kentucky birthplace and career as a U.S. representative from Illinois.

I'm sure that's thrilling news for numismatists, but for the rest of us who live by debit cards and find pennies dirty and worthless, it's a stupid idea. It's even more ridiculous considering it costs more to make a penny than it is worth. And according to a study published by Robert Whaples, a professor of economics at Wake Forest University, customers and clerks, who have to deal with pennies, waste time that amounts to $730 million per year.

European Street Cafe is one business that isn't sitting by idly on the penny issue. Last week the Riverside location banned the penny as a form of payment or change and hosted a rally supporting elimination of the coin (for the record, they rounded check totals down to the nearest nickel). To prove they have nothing against Honest Abe, they offered a 5 percent discount to anyone paying with only five dollar bills. They will continue the no pennies and 5 percent/$5 discount every Tuesday at the Riverside location only.

This just in... The Guinness World Record Holder for the Longest Fingernails—Female will be losing her title.

According to the Associated Press, Lee Redmond was involved in an automobile accident in Salt Lake City and was ejected from an SUV. She was taken to the hospital in serious but not life-threatening condition.

Prior to the accident, Redmond's fingernails measured a nauseating total length of 28 feet, 4.5 inches with the longest nail being her thumb at 2 feet, 11 inches.

I'm sure Redmond, who hasn't cut her nails since 1979, will probably go through a period of mourning at the loss of her world-renowned talons. But imagine what a relief it will be for her to finally be able to pick her nose again.

In an attempt to feed people's insatiable appetite for celebrity gossip, The Specktator and its trusted panel of reporters, the Eye-Team, report sightings of local luminaries and "real" stars about town.

February 12
Around lunchtime, I saw State Senator Steve Wise driving down Park Street in his sensible compact car. For a split second, I thought it might not be him, but then I saw the "Steve Wise for State Representative" sticker plastered on his bumper...

February 13
Radio personality and Brit about town Arthur Crofton of WEJZ Lite 96.1 was spotted at the Jacksonville International Car & Truck Show preview party. Our Eye-Team member wasn't sure what particular cars (or trucks) he was checking out but did say he should be checking out a barber since his hair was quite long and made him look "foppish."

An Eye-Team member stood in line behind Circuit Court Judge Virginia Norton at Tidbits, which begs the question: When did judges become so attractive? Seriously, have you seen Sandra Day O'Connor or Ruth Bader Ginsburg?

When I first saw a seven-foot-tall yellow cat gliding down San Marco Boulevard, I thought I might be hallucinating from lack of sleep. But then I realized it was just Jaguars mascot Jaxson DeVille on his in-line skates pimping himself out to promote Peterbrooke's chocolate-covered strawberries.

February 14
Despite being named to Rolling Stone's Artists to Watch list and performing on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel Live and the Late Show With David Letterman, Jacksonville's Black Kids are still regular people, which explains lead singer/guitarist Reggie Youngblood celebrating (or not) Valentine's Day at European Street, so says an Eye-Team member.

Quickly moving up the charts as the Invasion of Privacy's most frequently spotted celebrity, First Coast News anchor Victor Blackwell was spotted at Mossfire Grill.

Dear First Coast News producers:

The last time we "spoke" I took you to task for misspelling Johnny Van Zant's name during a broadcast. Now, I realize how fast-paced the news biz is, and you don't always have time to double check the spelling of every single person's name. I get it. Really. Unfortunately, FCN, it doesn't appear that you take the time to proofread your commercials either.

In a TV ad promoting the 2009 Black History Month calendar, you misspelled Sallye B. Mathis' name. Granted, "Sallye" is a rather unusual spelling, but after everything she's done for promoting civil rights throughout the state and being the first African-American to be elected to the Jacksonville City Council, you'd think you could make sure her name is spelled right.

I mean, it's not like she has an entire local elementary school named after her or anything.

Just in time for the upcoming holiday that I refuse to mention by name, Harlequin (of cheesy romance novel fame) is celebrating 60 years of "pure reading pleasure" by offering free downloads of 16 classic tales of civilized debutantes and sexy rogues indulging in endless nights of sensual ecstasy and uncivilized sex including Irresistible Forces written by Jacksonville's own Brenda Jackson.

As an extra added bonus, you can put yourself into a Harlequin story by answering a few questions like your dream job and favorite dessert. I am only too happy to share with you the love story between me and my "leading man" Edward (Norton, he's an actor ... maybe you've heard of him).

"She didn't know which was more dangerous....the case that had brought carefree Kerry to the exotic Caribbean, or the six-foot-three wealthy tycoon, who was far too sexy for anyone's good.

Everything about Edward screamed Warning! Danger! So why was kerry—an award-winning writer—letting her guard down with the handsome heartbreaker?

Edward didn't think he'd ever know the truth about his father's death—until Kerry showed up. She was willing to risk her life to uncover the truth. Edward had to show her he, too, could take some risks. Because he'd found the one woman who could touch his heart...and he wasn't about to let her go...."

Note to Brenda Jackson: I'm certainly impressed by your many accomplishments, not the least of which is being the first African-American romance author to make USA Today and The New York Times' best-seller lists for the series romance genre. You may, however, want to talk to your publisher about proofreading your book covers. Unless the characters in this book live in the Sahara, I think you meant desserts.

My sincerest apologies to Dexter "The Blade" Jackson for not acknowledging his being named Mr. Olympia 2008 sooner. I guess my subscription to Muscle & Fitness must have expired. (Of course, his publicist, if he has one, certainly isn't doing him any favors either.)

Be that as it may, Skip (that's a Real People reference, folks), the Jacksonville resident, who you may recognize from his commercials for Larry's Giant Subs took the top prize back in September at the most prestigious international bodybuilding competition in the world.

After watching a video of Dexter's posing routine, I can certainly see why the guy won (my friend who is a personal trainer even said, "He has muscles I didn't even know existed"). But his achievement is even more amazing considering he won his first title at age 39, compared to seven-time Mr. Olympia Arnold Schwarzenegger who won his first at 23.

Oh, and he's 5'6", which only makes these stats more mind-boggling.

If you thought the picture of the firefighter tending to an injured koala in the midst of the wildfires in Australia was adorable, hang on to your hankies, folks, 'cause here's the video.

I must warn you, even I got a little teary-eyed watching it. (What, a snarky writer can't have feelings?)

UPDATE: According to Reuters, the koala's name is Sam and she is being treated for second-degree burns at a wildlife shelter, where she has also taken a shine to a koala named Bob. (Seriously, if this story gets any cuter, I'm going to have to attend a de-sensitivity workshop or something. From the sounds of it, TMZ should offer one.)

Round three of American Idol Hollywood Week round turned out to be even more boring than round one and round two. It was so boring, in fact, I only have two comments—and they don't have anything to do with the contestants.

To Paula: You are so daring to risk seven years of bad luck by wearing that hideous necklace.

To Randy: Queen Elizabeth I called, and she'd really like to get her jewelry back.

If you're stuck at a desk all day, you probably get pretty bored. I mean, you can only bid on so many eBay items or play so many hands of solitaire in one day, right? Here's a site to help pass the time.

It's a Question of Mime Album Cover Quiz

The Quietus music and pop culture website enlisted "mime expert" M. Mattius Kaufman to recreate the cover of a classic album using only his miming skills and an occasional prop, like a leather jacket. You have 30 seconds to type in the answer.

OMG, this might just be the sweetest photo I have ever seen in my life.

A firefighter helping to put out the worst wildfires in Australia's history stopped to share his water with an injured koala.

If that weren't adorable enough, he's holding the koala's scorched little paw!

I think I'm going to go slap myself now, not so much for risking my membership in the National Association for Snarky Writers by posting something so sappy, but for using "OMG."

Ah, it seems like just yesterday that I posted my first blog entry. And now, The Specktator has reached its first milestone: post number 100.

That being said, I would like to congratulate the following entries for getting the most hits...

5. How this posting got on the list is even more confusing.

4. Vijay Singh is annoying.

3. All right, Mr. Hamilton, I'm ready for my close-up.

2. Hey, at least she's not just sitting around on her glutinious maxmosisimus.

And the most popular posting on The Specktator ...Who wants to see Fred Taylor wearing tights?

For the record, here are the most popular postings for the Invasion of Privacy and Instead of Working categories. Apparently, I'm not the only one who's a fan of Donna Deegan and bull's testicles.

I was watching First Coast News the other night and heard that they launched a live webcast of the 6 PM news and Good Morning Jacksonville. The interesting thing about watching the broadcast on line is you can spy on the anchors and reporters during the commercial breaks since the video and audio are still live.

I know the FCN news team is highly professional and everything, but I've seen Anchorman. I know the kind of things they talk about when they're shuffling their scripts and the theme music plays them out. I can see it now...

Donna Hicken*: "You've got man boobs."
Shannon Ogden: "You've got a dirty, whorish mouth. I'm going to punch you in the ovary."
Donna: "Jazz flute is for little fairy boys."
Shannon: "You are a smelly pirate hooker! Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?"
Donna: "Well, you have bad hair."

* I know Donna Hicken doesn't co-anchor the 6 PM news, but I figured she had a better sense of humor than Jeannie Blaylock.

Speaking of my e-friend Shannon, he just started a vlog (video log) on FCN's website and shot his first entry driving home after a newscast. I certainly hope he doesn't get spotted by Channel 4's Jim Piggott during one of his "Dumb and Dangerous Drivers" segments.

In an attempt to feed people's insatiable appetite for celebrity gossip, The Specktator and its trusted panel of reporters, the Eye-Team, report sightings of local luminaries and "real" stars about town.

February 2
An Eye-Team member saw former state senator Betty Holzendorf this afternoon chatting with some folks in a parking lot on San Marco Boulevard. Given the location and time of day, I'm guessing she had just finished lunch at either Bistro Aix or San Marco Grille (somehow I don't see her as a Pizza Hut kind of gal). Of course, it's much funnier to picture her at a Dance Trance class.

February 3
First Coast News anchor Victor Blackwell was behind me in the express lane at Publix buying what appeared to be two bottles of champagne (I suppose they could have been sparkling grape juice or—heaven forbid—cold duck) and fresh limes and lemons. I must say, he is quite a handsome young man, and I'm not just saying that because I had 11 items and I don't want him going around talking about the jerk in front of him in the express lane with more than 10 items.

February 4
Congratulations, AJ Neaher. Now, that you've been mentioned in Invasion of Privacy you are an "official" local celebrity. Neaher, who made it to Hollywood Week on American Idol, was spotted at European Street Cafe by an Eye-Team member, who was telling the high school teacher he should give singing lessons. And I just happen to have a perfect person to start with.

Exotic dancer, porn actress and author Maxi Mounds (pictured left) is the current Guinness World Record holder for the World's Largest Augmented Breasts. With a bra size of 36MMM, the Englewood, Fla. resident is the first and only woman to hold the tit-le. Unfortunately for her and "the girls," their record holding days are about to go, well, bust.

Sheyla Hershey (pictured right), a singer, dancer, actress and model from Houston, recently underwent her ninth breast augmentation surgery, which increased her size 34FFF breasts to 38KKK. Though she has not yet been awarded the tit-le of World's Largest Augmented Breasts by the Guinness organization, she has been recognized with the "Guinness World of World Records equivalent" in her native Brazil.

I'll be sure to keep you abreast of any new developments on the matter.

If you're stuck at a desk all day, you probably get pretty bored. I mean, you can only bid on so many eBay items or play so many hands of solitaire in one day, right? Here are some sites to help pass the time.

The Impossible Quiz

It is.

The Impossible Quiz 2

Ditto.

This is David. He is 7-years-old. David had to have surgery to remove an extra tooth. His father thought it would be funny to record his son post-surgery while he was still hopped up on anesthesia. It's not.

It's actually h-i-larious.

I think David and my other favorite YouTube kid, Olu, should have their own show, shot in the backseat of a car, of course.

After round one of Hollywood Week on Tuesday night, I was so looking forward to Jacksonville auditioner Nancy Wilson fighting, cursing and crying her way into the American Idol record books for "the most dramatic group audition day ever." And while she certainly lived up to her bitch on heels reputation—refusing to stand next to partner Kristen McNamara, intentionally singing off-key when backing up other contestants, pushing away Nate Marshall as he attempted to console her and cursing out McNamara so harshly Kara and Paula gasped— she was in no way the most memorable contestant on the show.

That honor goes to singer/musician/songwriter/writer/assistant director/model/film actor Tatiana del Toro.

It's difficult to explain the Puerto Ricana's bizarre behavior in a way that would do her justice (the other contestants in her group called her "psycho" and "Satan" if that tells you anything).

Instead, I will leave you with the teary soliloquy she delivered after learning she made it to the next round...

"Thank you, Jesus! Thank you so much! Thank you so much to everyone... everyone, God, everyone a part of this show. Everyone, even the guy holding the sound stick. I love you so much. You all made this a part of me. You're all a part of me. I love you so much! I will take you, each and every one of you in my heart for the rest of my life. Thank you so much! Thank you so much! Please let me through tomorrow. Thank you so much!"

Note to American Idol producers: We appreciate your subtitling the behind closed doors conversation between Bikini Girl and her roomie, but for future reference, "roommate" has two "m's."

Tomorrow is National Wear Red Day. Created by the American Heart Association as part of its Go Red for Women campaign, NWRD (we're close friends, so I can call it that) encourages individuals to wear red to raise awareness of heart disease in women. Heart disease, by the way, is the number one killer of American women.

Local businesses will be supporting the cause including Wachovia Banks, Wal-mart, CSX, Jiffy Lube and Winn-Dixie. The Jacksonville Landing, Orange Park Mall and the Avenues Mall will provide free entertainment and blood pressure checks.

The Specktator will also be doing its part to promote the campaign.

Tomorrow I will drink nothing but Diet Coke since it sponsors The Heart Truth with the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute. I would wear something red, but I don't have anything red in my closet (I'm an autumn and it's not in my color palette). I will, however, wear my rosacea with pride.

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched last night's episode yet and don't want to know which contestants headed off down the boulevard of broken dreams, stop reading now.

Round one of Hollywood Week didn't go so well for our Jacksonville contestants. Sharon Wilbur (sans Sasha the Wonder Shih Tzu) told the cameras she did her best, but to paraphrase "Just Once" by James Ingram, I guess her best wasn't good enough and she was sent back to J'ville to continue making CDs for Jesus. Chris Medina spent most of his airtime in Kodak Theatre's bathroom crying that he didn't make it to round two and probably hoping that he can get his job back at Abercromie and Fitch. And while we didn't see him crying or being dismissed on camera, AJ Neaher did say, "I did everything they told me to do..." which, if you ask me, is code for, "Enjoy the rest of the school year teaching music at Lee High School."

Four other Jacksonville auditioners also got the boot: Cesar "I Made It All the Way to Hollywood and You Still Don't Know Who I Am" De La Rosa, Jackie "Ditto on What Cesar Said" Mendez, Danielle "At Least I'm Still Miss New York USA 2008" Roundtree and Joshua "I Got Cornrows So People Would Stop Confusing Me With Justin Guarini" Ulloa.

Which, according to my eagle eye and powers of deduction, leaves Jacksonville auditioners Anne Marie Boskovich, T.K. Hash, Nick Hendrix, Alan Jackson, Jasmine Murray, Jullisa Veloz and Nancy Wilson moving on to round two and Megan Bohls and Jason Rosario MIA (I didn't see either of them on stage performing or in previews for tonight's episode, so I'm thinking they didn't make it).

I, for one, am particularly looking forward to tonight's performances by Nancy Wilson. And by performances, I mean fighting with contestants ("I don't care if you cry. I really don't!"), cursing out contestants (hence the American Idol logo being superimposed over her mouth) and crying.

Hey, guess what, pretentious oenophiles? You're not the only ones who like fine dining and pairings. We beer lovers, who prefer to be referred to as "beer lovers" instead of some snooty word that most people can't spell or pronounce, also like to enjoy our favorite alcoholic beverage while enjoying a nice meal. Unfortunately for us, most fine dining restaurants in these parts don't cater to our kind.

Thankfully, Bold City Brewery, a local brewery specializing in hand-crafted ales and IPAs (which is probably redundant since "IPA" is an abbreviation for "India pale ale" but whatever), is hosting a five-course beer dinner on March 15. For $35, diners will enjoy a meal of mini crab cakes and oysters steamed in beer for appetizers, corn chowder, avocado and tomato salad with basil and blood orange slices, beer-braised rib eye or macadamia-encrusted mahi with marinated grilled veggies and roasted potatoes, and chocolate overload torte, with five Bold City beers selected by brewmaster Brian Miller.

Seating is limited, however, so make your reservations ASAP. For more info, call (904) 379-6551.

To get you in the mood for tonight's Hollywood Week episode of American Idol, check out the introductory videos of Jacksonville's three contestants (Chris Medina, AJ Neaher and Sharon Wilbur), as well as the other 13 golden ticket winners who auditioned in Jacksonville.

Truth be told, they all sound pretty much the same since they all answered the same questions (why did you audition? how long have you been singing? what is your favorite type of music?). But I have to give poops props to Neaher (pictured) for giving the most memorable answer of all of the contestants.

When asked what he thought when he received his golden ticket, he said, "I didn't think anything when I found out I made it to Hollywood ... I just crapped in my pants a lot."

• Megan Bohls
• Ann Marie Boskovich
• Cesar De La Rosa
• T.K. Hash
• Nick Hendrix
• Alan Jackson
• Christopher Medina
• Jackie Mendez
• Jasmine Murray
• AJ Neaher
• Jason Rosario
• Danielle Roundtree
• Joshua Ulloa
• Julissa Veloz
• Sharon Wilbur
• Nancy Wilson

Here's something you don't see everyday: your own obituary.

Every couple of weeks, I do a Google search on myself just to see what's out there. For the most part, I only ever find links to articles I've written and press for The Hooky Book. But last night, I stumbled across my obituary.

At first, I was shocked. I mean, being dead would certainly explain why I've felt so sleepy and lethargic lately, but you'd think that a person would know she's dead without having to read it in an online version of the Monadnock Ledger-Transcript. Yet there I was sandwiched between former Jaffrey resident Cornelius R. Bud Lyle II and ConVal graduate Polly G. Murray.

Sure, I was sad (mostly for all of the people who no longer get to enjoy my delightful company), but just as I was getting used to the idea of never having to pay off my credit card balance or going on a diet ever again, I remembered that I'm not 36 years old, don't live in New Hampshire and have never worked in a dental office. In other words, I was not the Kerry A. Speckman who died.

Still, it's sad that the other Kerry A. Speckman, whose name I'd run across in previous Google searches, did. I just hope that when it's my time to go, my future husband (whose name will be Kevin, if I'm to follow in her footsteps) will find as much comfort and support in the Archery Talk forum as hers did.

Jacksonville residents Chris Medina, A.J. Neaher and Sharon Wilbur (pictured at left) are among the 147 Hollywood hopefuls vying for a position in American Idol's top 36 when Hollywood Week starts tomorrow (actually, the "vying" took place back in November, but we're just now getting to see it).

Wilbur was the only Jacksonvillian who got any airtime on last week's audition episode (unless you count her Shih tzu Sasha), but Medina and Neaher will be in good company with the eight other Hollywood hopefuls whose auditions were also dissed in favor of a small lapdog.

In addition to Anne Marie "Come Back as Another Person" Boskovich, T.K. "Haven't We Seen You Before?" Hash, Jasmine "Are You Sure You're Only 16?" Murray, Joshua "Call Me Justin Guarini" Ulloa and Jullisa "Candidata" Veloz, who we did see perform last week, Hollywood will be welcoming Megan Bohls, Alan Jackson, Jason Rosario, Danielle Roundtree and Floridians Cesar De La Rosa, Nick Hendrix, Jackie Mendez and Nancy Wilson (pictured below).

While you're waiting for Hollywood Week to kick off tomorrow you can check out photos of Jacksonville's golden ticket winners on Idol's Hollywood Hopefuls page. And if you like a good spoiler, take a peek at what some are calling the top 36 list. If the list is accurate, there are a few Jacksonville auditioners who have made it to the top 36, one of whose photos just might appear on this very page.

And don't worry, unlike the totally boring Salt Lake City, Puerto Rico and NYC audition episodes (I did rather enjoy Greg the Rabbit, though), I will be following and reporting on our Jacksonville hopefuls every step—or hop—of the way.

In an attempt to feed people's insatiable appetite for celebrity gossip, The Specktator and its trusted panel of reporters, the Eye-Team, report sightings of local luminaries and "real" stars about town.

January 24
I saw Matthew Medure, local celebrity chef and namesake of Matthew's restaurant in San Marco, working out at Cross Training San Marco. Cross training must be working for him since he looked decidedly more fit than when I used to see him at a downtown gym. The transformation is even more amazing since he spent about a third of the time on his cell phone.

January 25
Once again proving that they are regular folks who just happen to own an NFL team, Wayne and Delores Weaver had dinner at European Street Cafe. An Eye-Team member noted that Mr. W. had the knockwurst and pastrami, which proves that he obviously doesn't suffer from heartburn. It also makes me wonder if David Garrard has ever invited them over for his award-winning chicken buffalo dip

January 30
According to an Eye-Team member, First Coast News anchor Angela Spears is such a frequent diner at Lemongrass in Baymeadows, she doesn't even need to tell servers her order. They just ask, "The usual?"

February 1
And now for The Specktator's first long-distance sighting ... Jaguars running back Maurice Jones-Drew was spied in Tampa at the DirecTV Celebrity Beach Bowl, one of the many pre-Super Bowl XLIII events. Jones-Drew served as a referee for the touch football game which featured Christian Slater, Benji and Joel Madden, and Brody Jenner, along with former NFL players Warren Moon, Steve Young, Eddie George and Jamal Anderson.